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Finally me of calling the whole situation and I was overwhelmed by loneliness. My relationship kept stressing more and more what I ever wanted in life and how it looks with kids and all that stuff. Shit, I still do not know what I want in life. I requested a cooling off period of 4 months to me about everything to be clear. I heard first on smoking and quit my job, then I think began. At the same time, I was abandoned and suffered. Due to the lack of money I could not move and so you continued to live under one roof. I pulled myself together and began to study again, made it even partially fun, after all the time that had been so hopelessly completely wasted.

I may be an idiot, that I'm a player, but I think at least by myself, I'm not completely stupid. Fairly quickly turned out that the load for me would just be too big that I'm too old for all that shit and total loneliness is eating me up slowly but surely. Life is not cheap, the costs increase, decrease revenue and I do not see any future for me.

I could call my old friends and report me, but I'm ashamed too. I'm not Dostoevsky who accepts one last alms and then throws back on the table. No matter how much have been bored in the evenings at that time and how much that bothered me everything, so much I can not understand how anything could slip out of the hands of me. I have no idea, at the moment no future. I stand there, everything around me is dark and dull. I am moving in a trance and without purpose. You know, even though I have always gambled all these years, so spreads with me slowly but surely, but the knowledge that I have probably lost the really important game. Alone if I have the previous line by reading me so I embittered when I see that 15 years can be on the few lines.